The other day my husband told me it would be nice to be husband and wife for a moment and just cuddle up. Not necessarily to be intimate – though I’m sure he had that on his mind too ( 😛 ) but to just be us. And I was quick to ask him two very strategic questions: when and how?
And the reality hit both of us. With two children now, one almost 4 years old, the other only two months old, we have been both upgraded and downgraded to mom and dad only. The truth is, both mornings and evenings are brutal. After having dinner, it’s bath time for our older, clean up time for me, hold the baby time for my husband (for the purpose of this post I’ll just refer to him as “dad” from here on). Once Sophie is done with her bath and I’ve finished cleaning the kitchen, it’s time for brushing our teeth and changing into our PJ’s. In bed we all talk about our day – highs and lows. Some nights Sophie goes really deep with her thoughts and feelings, others it’s all just fun and games and being silly. Which is okay. What matters is that we’re establishing a habit, a tradition, so to say, where we can openly talk about our successes and challenges, what made us happy or sad that day, our joys and pains… All of it. After that I stay with Sophie until she falls asleep (many times I fall asleep with her), then I feed Annabel for 30-40 minutes. Some nights I get lucky and she falls asleep and I can just swaddle her and put her in her bassinet. Other nights she’s not falling asleep, so I swaddle her, put her on my arm and I make the shushing noise until she falls asleep. I’ve learned not to put her in the bassinet when I think she’s sleeping deep enough, because she isn’t. So she sleeps on my arm until my arm is numb and sore enough that I wake up for the pain, and move my arm from under her. In the morning when she wakes up, I nurse her. Usually dad is taking a shower already. When I finish nursing her, I hand her to dad (you may be wondering why he’s holding her all the time, well, because otherwise she screams, yeah, she’s one of those “hold me all the time” babies 🙂 ). I then start preparing breakfast for the family, lunch for Sophie, and just generally get Sophie ready for preschool – bathroom break, dress her, make her hair, put her lunch box together, then her and dad are out the door. And then soon enough, the evening routine starts back up again.
It’s important to not lose ourselves in one role, to not let one role define us. In the long run, that is. Short term, especially with a new baby, it’s completely normal. But when life again is normalized, baby is bigger, can be left with someone other than mom and dad, even if for an hour, it’s so important to be husband and wife again. To go on dates, to enjoy each other’s company outside of parenthood. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it’s also true. If we don’t keep the fire burning and alive by working on it every single day, the flames will burn out. And it doesn’t have to be something big every time. A kiss here, a sweet note there, just a look, a glance, a small romantic gesture, that we’re still here. Not just as mom and dad, but as husband and wife, man and woman, with passion and love.
Mom of Balance 